Can You Love Yourself Too Much?

There is a question that has been asked of us that is somewhat surprising.  The question is, “Can you love yourself too much?” IMG_2546

We would have to say in the midst of our counseling sessions, it has never even occurred to us that it would be a counseling issue we would need to address. We have read personal commentaries and heard people address their opposition to the teaching of loving yourself.  They may argue, “We already do that too much—that this is a problem with what has happened to our world.”

When an individual is being judged for loving himself too much, what would you see?  Some may say he is more arrogant (conceited, big-headed, egotistical, proud, over-confident); self-centered (self-seeking, self-absorbed, selfish); puffed-up (superior, pompous); controlling; always thinking he is right.  He looks down on others because he thinks so highly of himself.

On the other hand, another individual may be seen as more needy for affection, attention, and emotional support—more self-absorbed.  He wants people to take care of him and wait on him.  This person may also be judged for loving himself too much, because of his self-centeredness— “It’s always about him.”

If you look closely as the characteristics we mentioned above for someone who loves themselves too much, from the one side of being puffed-up or the flip side of being more needy, you will notice some of the following characteristics missing.  This is how God describes what love looks like (1 Cor. 13):

Love is patient and tolerant.

Love is kind and compassionate.

Love is not envious or resentful.

Love is not boastful or arrogant.

Love is not proud.

Love is not dishonoring of others.

Love is not self-seeking.

Love is not easily angered or “touchy.”

Love is not keeping record of wrongs.

Love is rejoicing with the truth.

Love is not taking pleasure in others failures or troubles.

Love is always protecting and defending.

Love is always trusting and believing.

Love is always hoping and hopeful.

Love is always unrelenting and persevering.

And if God says this is what love is, I wouldn’t mind living in a world that loves too much.  With his definition of love, there could only be one person who could ever have the capacity and perfection to love too much—God himself.  And when he describes himself, he just says, “I am Love.”  And that is more than enough.

God has a plan for those who are self-centered, prideful, arrogant, self-absorbed.  It is called healing.  It is a wound.  A wound caused by a lack of love, affection, affirmation, belonging, safety, encouragement and guidance when the child was growing up.

So can you love yourself too much?  Not in this lifetime—but, maybe in the next?  We’ll see.


To read more about the nature of God and how He works to bring healing and restoration to us, check out our book:  The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself — How Loving Yourself the Way God Does Can Bring Healing and Freedom to Your Life.  It is available at or

NOTE:  If you or someone you know is in need of finding a safe place for emotional and/or spiritual healing and restoration, please contact us at The Father’s Heart Ministry through our web site at or email us directly at or  We are located in the North Georgia Mountains in a retreat-oriented environment and have established opportunities for ministry to individuals or couples for time periods as little as a few hours to as long as five days.

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4 thoughts on “Can You Love Yourself Too Much?

  1. Here was my response:

    I have read this post twice now and had an experience this morning at my gym that some what relates to it.

    I go to my gym almost every day at 5 a.m. and every morning,  there is a woman who is very masculine in appearance.   She lifts weights and does stretches that I didn’t know were physically possible. ….At any rate…..Her appearance is rather striking so I find myself trying to look down or focus on an object so I don’t stare.

    This morning,  I was working on the shoulder press and after two sets noticed she was standing next to my machine.   My first thought was, “Ummm…..There’s another machine next to me with no waiting. …why are you picking this space to stand?”  So….I continued sweating and listening to my iPod.

    A hand then flashed in front of me….She wanted my attention.  

    “How long have you been working out?”

    “Ohhh…about a month”

    “Keep it up….In 6 months it will be worth it.   I know it’s hard getting up at 5:00 a.m….but it’s worth it.”

    The conversation continued for another 30 seconds…talked about diet and then she introduced herself to me…Her name was Chris.

    As she walked away,  I found myself feeling ashamed…..still do. 

    Chris looks different because she is a transexual.  I have been judging her in my heart because she is different. …I am fat.  Doesn’t that also make me different?

    I can only imagine that if Jesus had been sitting on the machine where I was this morning and this situation replayed….He would have shown acceptance without thought and…

    Love is not only a word…it’s an action….a response.  We’re called to love each other as He has loved us.  We also have to love ourselves in order to give love away.

    Father…forgive me for judging.  Help me to look into the heart and through the walls that we all put up so we are protected. ….Help me to follow your heart for the lost and the broken knowing that each one of us is as precious as the next.


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